A year ago today, I got my tonsils out. Most painful two weeks EVER. I still have nightmares about my post-surgery time. I swear I have Post-Traumatic Stress from it. I will spare you the details of the ordeal, trust me though-- I was in some serious pain. But the scars finally healed! And tonight I made myself some popcorn to celebrate the anniversary. It is my first time eating it since the surgery and it is the one food I’ve still been afraid to tackle. The thought of a piece of un-popped seed cutting my scars open scares me crazy.
Last winter, I got a few scars on my heart too. The scars have healed, but the past few months I’ve been doing something that has scared me crazy. Dating. How do I trust again? What if it ends in another scar? The anxiety really started to get to me. I kept thinking I needed to “guard my heart.” Isn’t that the mantra that we single women are given? It is definitely what I have told to others. But how do you guard your heart and still eat the popcorn that just might cut that scar open?
A verse that I have held on to for as long as I can remember is Philipians 4:6-7. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” All my life I have been quoting and reading and writing and praying and whispering and repeating this verse. And until recently, I skipped the last part! Just knowing that God would give me peace that was better than I could understand was enough. I stopped there. But the peace really is beyond my understanding! It wasn’t until recently that I realized that God says HIS peace will guard my heart!! I don’t have to build a wall around my heart. And I don’t have to look to a man to guard it either. It isn’t either of our jobs. GOD is my protector. We are taught as little girls to look for our knight in shining armor- a protector and rescuer. But that is not the job of a man. It is God’s.
